Our Individual Human Experience

I recently read an article (recently being...an hour ago) which highlights the long-term effect a child's name may (or may not) have on their personality and behavior. There were several obvious flaws in the article, the first being that the science was off at best. Except for the study which showed that boys with girlish names (Ashley, Shannon, etc.) are highly likely to act out, which honestly just seems obvious and inevitable, most of the conclusions that are drawn in the article have less than a leg to stand on.

The argument was that a child's name has a huge, long standing impact on that child's development. Or maybe it's because of the way people perceive that child because of their name. Or maybe it's the way the parent raise the child. Or maybe....

This is guessing. This is not science. This is not research. This is conjecture, nothing more. A British survey that says that 1 in 5 parents of the 3,000 they polled regret giving their child the name that they did says nothing about the child's behavioral reaction to the same name. Nothing. Trying to prove one point from the other is ridiculous. There are a few other studies in the article that do little more to actually prove the point they're trying to make. One or two are at least relevant.

The real problem I have with the article, though, is not the lack of science. It is the argument that a child with a more unusual name is worse off than a child with a common name. Whether the parents' attitude toward their child pushed them to try to be unique or to fit in will have an effect on a child, absolutely. This attitude can be reflected in the names a parent chooses, sure. But is being pushed toward standing out any better than being pushed to fit it?

I would argue no.

I am a firm believer that every child should always be treated exceptionally by everyone, taught to do what is right through both word and example, disciplined kindly and lovingly for doing what is harmful or wrong, protected from evil, encouraged in magic, and should never ever be pushed into something they are not. Parenting that falls too far on any side of this is poor parenting.

As a culture, we can't decide if it's best to fit in or stand out. Those who stand out get the recognition and the isolation. Those who fit in get the community and the herd mentality. Something is wrong.

I was raised in a home where no one ever really followed conventions. We were never radical, but we have always been the harmless rebels. The quirky family. The endearingly odd. Once you know us, you'll probably love us, but if you don't, we won't cry. We're close, as a family, and my sisters and I have all grown, at one time or another, to be happy with ourselves. I find little joy in standing out just for the sake of it, but I've grown up my entire life never really being content to just fit in, either.

Now here's the part where I'm going to introduce something radical: I think, as human beings, we must learn that through standing out, we can fit in.

Let me explain. We know that every person on this planet shares in what we call the "human experience." We know that everyone around us has felt pain and heartbreak, joy and excitement, apathy and enthusiasm, fear and anticipation. Sometime when we are young and emotional, or old and nostalgic, or a person and in pain it's easy to forget that we're surrounded by people just like us. Sometimes we can think we're alone. Even if we fit into a cultural norm, we all feel alone. The problem is that no one fits into a norm. No one actually fills the mold. We all stand out already. It was when I first started to embrace this fact about myself that I first started to like myself. Pushing to stand out farther and pulling to blend in better will both leave us wanting. It is only, I propose, by allowing ourselves the freedom to be who we are and love who others are that we will ever really feel like we fit, and also feel like we matter.

This is not a Disney movie. This is real life.

I realize I'm writing this to a following of about 16, but I feel like this is important. Whether your name is Morgan or Mary or Maine, you are unique. You are different. It's important to know that about ourselves and each other.

No one is the same. And no one is irreconcilably different.

Just a thought.
Emily